This is a story I have been meaning to share, but have never had the time to actually sit down and write it, until last night. Every Mama should read it and share it with your Mama friends.
I cannot make this brief, so I will not. It all started when I was six weeks pregnant with my daughter, Presley. On Saturday, April 21, 2007 I started bleeding bright red blood. (I have had two previous miscarriages, so I knew…) I started crying & knew what I was experiencing, yet again. I then started passing huge blood clots, and this is where my nightmare began…
I screamed for my husband. He came running and he knew just by looking at me, what was going on. We actually had friends over at this time, and my friend was pregnant with her first and about 2 months ahead of me. They were so sad for us and left. I called my mom and my brother came over to watch our then, 1 year old Zaden. We left for the ER. My mom met us there and they already had a room for me, my mom made sure of that.
When I got to the ER examine room, I was told to put on a gown and wait, they were going to give me a full exam. They also ordered an ultra sound. After the exam I went to the bathroom and again started passing huge clots, many of them and blood everywhere. I was brought into the u/s and me and my husband watched as they searched my uterus for our baby. Me and my husband “thought” we saw a little one, but the technician said otherwise. Then the technician went on to my left side and saw a “suspicious” thing. I said “like an ectopic pregnancy” and she said “yes”.
I got back in the exam room, the doctor comes in and confirms that it was/is indeed an ectopic pregnancy. We were heartbroken, again.. She said there were two options, one was to take a medication to dissipate the pregnancy without surgery (which for “some” reason I said no to) and the second was to have surgery immediately and have the ectopic pregnancy removed. She said she recommended the second one because of the size of the “ectopic” pregnancy. I told her how I felt about surgery’s that I don’t do well with them or the meds (when I had a c section with my son I had an anxiety attack), but still she made me feel it was very important to have this immediately done. So, I signed the papers for surgery and was emitted to the hospital and scheduled for surgery at ten the next morning.
The next day I went in for surgery. When I came to there were two nurses at my side, neither of them spoke of my surgery at all. I thought that to be kinda weird. When I got back to my room it was my husband who told me what really happened. He said that the surgeon came in and told him that the surgery ended up not being necessary. It ended up NOT being an ectopic pregnancy, but a tumor (non cancerous). He also told my husband that they had to end up taking out my left fallopian tube. I could not believe what I was hearing. He also said that surgeon was apologizing?! What?! So, later the surgeon came in and told me the same thing. I was in shock. They also said that my vitals all looked good and that I could go home if I wanted to. I decided to because they made me feel like I “should”. So, I got my discharge papers and was being wheeled to our car. Half way to the car I started puking, alot. The nurse just kept on wheeling me and did not stop, I was so sick! I had to tell the nurse, in between puking, to stop pushing me! You would think that after seeing me puke everywhere and being so sick, that she would make a judgment call to keep me in the hospital, after all, I had “just” had abdominal surgery that day!!! Everyone in the ER waiting room was staring at me as she continued to push me to our car and let me go home.
When I got home I went straight to our room and laid on the bed. I immediately felt my body giving up. I thought I was dying, I really did. I screamed as loud as I could for my husband, but could not get sounds out, I was too weak. I finally threw a lip balm at the closed door and my 1 year old son heard it somehow, and told daddy. He finally came to check on me. I told him to call an ambulance because I think I am dying. I was tingling everywhere and was faint and had such a shallow breathing and I thought this was it. The ambulance arrived and they carried me out onto the stretcher and again, I was back at Kaiser ER. They took all of my vitals, blood work gave me my 10th IV ( my arms looked like that of a drug users), and gave me a chest xray and an EKG. I finally got a room, the same room I was in earlier, in Labor and Delivery mind you (why do they put grieving moms in there???) I got the same dang nurse too!
In the morning I went for yet another u/s. Still it showed not much, but it did show alot more from the day before, and my hcg levels were still tripling. The doctors and specialists all were miffed and said my “case” was very, very rare and they did not have any answers for me. So, again, I stayed at the hospital with no answers.
The next day, I wake they take my blood AGAIN and send it in to see where my levels were. In the meantime, my doctor comes in and sits down. She tells me it could be one of two things. The first it could be a pregnancy somewhere else in my body, like my abdomen or somewhere it should not be and they need to locate it. Secondly, it could be a cancer. I started crying hysterically as you can imagine. ( I was also all alone, as my husband was home with our baby boy). This whole ordeal has been a nightmare and it is only getting worse, with no answers. My doctor comes back and sits down again. She says that she has ordered a d & c for later that evening to get out what “mass” she sees in my u/s that is in my uterus. She said that it could be internal bleeding or just clots that need to come out. I told her the only way I would allow for another d and c (I have had two already from previous m/c’s), is if they did another u/s immediately on me. She agreed, though thought it to be unnecessary and ordered me one last one.
Before I went into my u/s, a nurse came by to give me medicine to prep me for the d and c and calm my nerves. (for some reason the whole time I was in this hospital, I hardly had accepted any pain medication, but did not know why..). Finally, I said to her, sure, give it to me! Then I was wheeled into the u/s room. There was a screen facing me that was turned off. I told the technician that I wanted it turned on so I can see what is going on too. She hesitated, then turned it on and we started. As soon as she put the camera in me (vaginal u/s, oh joy…) I saw it.. My baby’s HEARTBEAT!!! Oh my gosh.. oh my gosh! There plain as day was my six week old baby measuring EXACTLY that, six weeks with yoke sac and all! The heartbeat was 114 beats per minute. The technician tried to tell me that it was an artery in my uterus and that was MY heartbeat! I started laughing at her and said, “so here I am just having a shot of vicodine and falling asleep, and you think my heart rate is 114 bpm?! She looked at me dumbfounded and immediately dismissed that thought (this is the ignorance I have had to deal with since day ONE)
When I got back to my hospital room, I demanded food, to feed my baby! (I had not eaten, nor had I felt like eating since the previous day and I was starving!). I called my whole family. My husband came to pick me up and take me home.
I went back frequently to be checked and have my blood drawn and numerous u/s. Now, a new thing was going on, and again, no doctor knew what it was…..
When I went into my u/s, the doctors found a perfectly healthy fetus, but with this fetus, sharing its space, was a “mass” of something. No doctor could figure out what, but with each u/s and visit the mass was growing and was now larger than my baby. I searched frantically on line to no avail. I had no clue if my baby was going to be alright. I had no clue if this mass was taking the nutrients from my baby. I had no clue if this mass was perhaps another twin that did not make it. I just had no clue, and either did my doctors, but they NEVER had answers for me, ever.
I was set up to go and see a specialist for an in depth u/s to look at this mass. My dad, who holds the priesthood and is Latter Day Saints, gave me a fathers blessing along with a wonderful man, Brother Schouten. Along side them, I sat and with their hands upon my head, a fathers blessing was given. During that fathers blessing, I can still remember, the wonderful feeling of love and just that everything was going to be alright, everything. The feeling was so intense and wonderful, I cannot fully explain it. I started crying, everyone in that room did.
The next day, my parents took me to the specialist appointment and my mom went in with me to the u/s. On the screen, we were shocked to see no mass, nothing but a healthy, bouncing around baby with a very strong heartbeat. That mass was COMPLETELY gone. The specialist was confused as he gazed at the other u/s’s previously taken. He said that he has not seen anything like this. He also said, had I just came to him without him ever seeing my previous u/s’s or knowing my history, he would have thought this to be a perfect pregnancy. The BEST news I have heard throughout this whole pregnancy so far!!! Me and my mom ran out and told my dad, we were all in tears! On the way home I called my whole family and told them all the wonderful news, “I am pregnant!” I could finally say it and mean it!! I was 12.5 weeks pregnant and now could look forward to 28 more wonderful weeks until I got to meet my “little Miracle”
I gave birth to Presley Ann on November 30th, 2007. She decided to make her appearance three weeks early! She came naturally, well with the help of an epidural, and is PERFECT in every way!! She weighed 6lbs 9 ozs and was 18 1/2 inches long! We could not have been happier! She was born with two sacral dimples and needed to have back surgery for a tethered spine, but everything is fine now and no other surgeries that we know of in the future. We thank God everyday for our little miracle and her brother and her are best friends.
I wanted to share my story and tell EVERY mommy out there, that even though the u/s shows you nothing, try try again. Listen to your body, no one knows it better than YOU do. If you doubt what the doctors say, get a second opinion. After my ordeal with my pregnancy, I could not help but wonder how many grief stricken mommy’s have had to endure an unnecessary d and c, only because they are told that their baby is no longer. It makes me sick to think of the “what ifs” like what if I never asked for that last u/s? I would have NEVER known, ever. My daughter would not be here, I would not know here, she would not know her mama. If I could ever pass an act or law, it would be that ALL women getting a d and c would have to have one last u/s to determine if there is indeed no pregnancy. I would call it “The Presley Act”.
“My daughter is here because I followed my heart” I believe in miracles, because I have one…
My little Girl, Presley
And I could NOT leave out my other little love of my life, Zaden