This Just Sucks.. It Really Really Does…

I am not allowing comments on this post entry only because I don’t want any of you to think I am always complaining or sulking in my trying to conceive journey. This is more of a post for me, to just scream and yell and make myself feel better…

Well, I am going on 26 months of trying to conceive. It has been a LONG, hard road and I seem to have not come anywhere near an end, in sight. I have been to the fertility doctor, got tons of blood work done. My body seems to be doing what it is supposed to be doing, but it is not coming together, to make a sweet little baby.

AGAIN, I thought this was MY month and AGAIN it is not. I am heartbroken, sad, depressed, lonely you name it, I am feeling it right about now.. I actually feel sick, sick that I can’t do it again.

What am I missing? What is my body not doing, that I am unaware of? For heavens sakes, I would HATE to think it could be my age, after all, I am 36 years old. But then, why would it be my age? Should I really not be trying to get pregnant at my age? Am I really an old person? I don’t know, I just  don’t.

You would NOT believe how much I spend each month on pregnancy tests, ha! You would all think I am mad, and maybe I am? I hope, pray, and do everything right for my body. I take care of it and do what I should be doing. Nothing every comes of it, ever.

Oh, well, ya it did, last November. And I was on cloud 2343743298543892348. But then God took this little sweet baby away, and left me empty and VERY bitter. I DID blame God, but don’t anymore, I don’t know who or what is to blame, all I know is that that sweet baby, like two other m/c’s I had, were stripped from my womb too early. NOT FAIR.

My sweet, miracle babies I have now, are so loved and I am SO. Thankful. for them. If I did not have them and their sweet kisses, hugs and support (along with hubbys) I would be a WICKED mess..

Anyways, maybe now that I have let it out, I MIGHT feel better tonight? Tomorrow? The next day? Who knows, but it was seriously worth a shot with the way I am feeling right now 🙁

Thanks for listening..