Were you a self-conscious child? Did you find that you got embarrassed easily or you just wanted to hide away from everything? It’s not just you! But as we grow older, wiser and realize that we just needed to snap out of it. Helping a Self-Conscious Child (When We Were Exactly the Same), is what this post is all about. Please read more below!
But, going back in time, what we told ourselves when we find out that our baby was on the way was that we’d do everything we can to ensure that our child doesn’t feel those same insecurities that we did.
But history has a habit of repeating itself. And as your child gets older you may see that they are exhibiting the same traits that you did when you were their age. As heartbreaking as it can be to see our children experience the same emotional speed bumps that we did is there anything that we can do to help prepare them? I do believe, Helping Our Self-Conscious Child, doesn’t have to be so difficult.
Helping A Self-Conscious Child (When We Were Exactly the Same)
Talking About Attractiveness
You remember what it was like as a child; you were always concerned as to how you looked. Because we can be overwhelmed with self-absorption, especially now due to social media, this means that addressing how your child sees the world helps them to step outside of their comfort zone but also broadens their thinking patterns.
Sometimes the root of the issue can be pretty obvious to us but not necessarily to them. If their self-conscious or not outgoing because they don’t like something about themselves, sometimes this can be fixed.
If they don’t like their teeth there are braces that are invisible that can help with this; because we have to remember that when we were younger those cosmetic issues were always at the forefront. Sometimes it can be very difficult to get our child to overlook certain aesthetic issues because it makes them incredibly self-conscious.
In this respect, we can implement a two-pronged attack by fixing this small issue and give them the opportunity to broaden their perception of attractiveness in the grand scheme of things.
Identifying The Root Cause: Helping A Self-Conscious Child
When we look at the root cause, especially if it’s something superficial, it’s so easy for us to tell them “not to worry” about it because we’ve got more life experience than them and we know they shouldn’t sweat the small stuff.
But when the root cause is so ingrained that we can’t just tell them to get over something we’ve got to figure out a way to change their thinking patterns.
This doesn’t necessarily mean taking them to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy but it could be about using certain tactics associated with this to help them retrain their thinking patterns. When they have a negative perception of themselves for a very specific reason, as soon as we’ve addressed this we are able to start fixing the problem by gradually changing their attitude towards it.
Part of this is about learning self-acceptance but it can also be about helping our children to use appropriate mindfulness tactics. Something like positive self-talk is wonderful in this respect because there’s a lot of benefits to doing it because it helps us to retrain the brain. But if our child is not able to get on board with this but there’s a sports person that they admire we can use this as an entryway to helping our child come around to this way of thinking.
When our children model themselves after certain people or characters, we could roll our eyes, but it’s better for us to withhold our judgment and understand this is them experimenting in learning to become the person they want.
Setting The Right Example
When our children model themselves after people they admire it could very well be due to the fact that they don’t view us as a role model anymore. And this could very well be upsetting or heartbreaking but we have to remember that, subconsciously or not, we set the blueprint. Setting a good example is being the best version of ourselves.
When our children are at key developmental stages of their lives we must remember the fact that we are greatly impacting their development but we’ve got to set an example by doing the things that we think would benefit our children. It doesn’t have to be grandiose thought patterns but it could be about the simple things because we’re able to keep track of these.
Things like exercising regularly, adequate nutrition, but also respecting ourselves, is important to set the example. If our children don’t respect themselves and we know this to be a learned pattern from ourselves we’ve got to make the change as well. It is never too late.
Asking Them For Their Opinions And Acquiring Empathy
One of the biggest gulfs between parent and child is that we’re not their age anymore. Therefore they could very well dismiss our abilities or inclination to help by simply saying that we “just don’t get it!” And once we’ve banged our head against the wall too many times by trying to help them it’s so easy for us to give up, but this is when differences come to the fore that will impact our relationship with them for life.
It’s important that we don’t avoid awkward conversations. We have to remember that we don’t have the same perception of the world is our children do. And rather than not bothering because it’s not relevant to us, we need to stay in the loop and ask them what is the norm these days. Ask them what they think; this gives us a far better opportunity at expressing empathy so we can give appropriate advice when necessary.
This also helps our child to feel included and to question the status quo. When we are younger there is that pressure to fit in and we have to remember it’s about thinking outside the box that helps us to help them develop a sense of self.
When our children feel self-conscious or have no confidence it can hurt us as much as it hurts them and our instinct is to become immediately protective.
They have to find their own way in life, but this means we shouldn’t just leave them to their own devices. We can nurture and help, just as long as we do it right. Helping a Self-Conscious Child is something we all should be doing. Do you have anything to add to this post? Share, in the comments below. Thank you!